new beginning, my butt

It’s hard when you have everything ripped out from under you. Even the things you were told were yours aren’t. You have no real home, no job, no money, no life, and as it feels no future.  Everyone is like oh yay new chapter. But until you have to go through it, you can’t act like its a fun or good thing. It’s not. It’s hard. You have no control of anything and don’t feel welcome anywhere. I have Winston and the clothes in my suitcase. As if I didn’t feel enough alone, I have nothing left either. Nothing that I had worked so hard for. I got kicked to NY, I got kicked out of my apartment in Queens so it could be sold and kicked out of Manhattan.  Starting over when you don’t even have a home is hard. I know these things will come in time but I feel more helpless now than ever.  Oh Lord, please help me find my path. I’m sooooo tired of constantly having to start over.  I feel exactly how I used to before I met Ankur, depressed and alone.

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