Oh how I hate driving

i had to go to Tupelo today. Yeah….I forgot how much anxiety I get driving. I guess I’ve been so in my head lately that I haven’t even noticed, but I used to always get anxiety about driving. I thought I was actually over it and better but nope. All the trucks and crazy drivers scare the crap out of me. Ankur LOVED to drive. We would even rent cars sometimes just to go driving.  I love to ride. I’m a good car companion I think and was awesome at giving Ankur directions. We never argued at all while driving. We would take turns picking the music. His was usually something Martin Sexton and I would pick all the songs I loved to sing to that he hated hehe. We also used to listen to our friends bands when we drove. At home we only listened to records. It was nice. He knew I loved antique-y towns, so he would always plan trips to them. We always got at least one bow tie for him from a thrift store and at least one record from every trip.  Then we would plan what we would do in the future. There was this one town we absolutely loved. He said he wanted to open a specialty beer store and cheese shop there.  We loved the city but never planned on staying there. As I think about it, he almost always wanted to move to wherever we were visiting. Even Oxford. I think he really liked smaller towns because it gave us more quality time together. In the city, there is always something to do or people to see. I think we would have been happy in a secluded cabin. We both didn’t want to live in LI, so that was never an option. He was the first to say that. It surprised me a little but I was all for not. The closest place to the city he said he wanted to live was in Westchester. I liked it there too so was all for it.  My only stipulation for moving anywhere was that it couldn’t be so far from where we worked that we couldn’t see each other or that the commute would be so tiring that it would cause problems or fights.  We never got sick of each other even when we were together alone for weeks on end. I used to act sick so he would go out with his friends alone. Not because I wanted him gone but because I never wanted him or his friends to think I always had to be there.  On random weekend nights we would look at houses for sale. It was so fun.  He loved to talk about our future.  I would get emails weekly about cool cabins and design ideas for our apartment.  He once found these Edison lights that had tiny chandeliers in them. They were awesome and so me. I loved how much he loved to plan our future. He always had crazy ideas but you couldn’t help getting caught up in them because he was so passionate about it.  Wow I started this talking about my anxiety driving and now I’m talking about our idea for the future hehe. You know just writing about Ankur calmed me down.  I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I guess just talk about him a lot.


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